I should be more like my dog Elsie. She is friendly, mostly eager to please and always up for a walk. I love that about her. She always greets me with joy and comes running when I jiggle the leash. She never allows a rationalization to divert her from predictable behavior. She operates purely on habits and instincts. We humans, the superior species, think we are different than the animals. We cherish the concept of willpower. I think most of us would say that choosing our actions, controlling our reactions, fulfilling our dreams and avoiding trouble are all a function of having lots of willpower. I try to use willpower to fix what is wrong with me. I wish I had an iron will, and that I always felt more in control, but I think I must face the fact that I don’t, and probably never will.
Step inside my brain for a minute. I like to swim. I have a pass to the Rose Bowl Aquatic Center that I can use most any day and hour of my choice. I have a fancy University of Colorado Triathlon Team backpack that is always packed with a fresh towel and swimsuit; ready to go like a fireman’s boots. I walk by it every day, hoping it will trigger the right response. This is when my “willpower” kicks in. Time to go swim, Joan. Remember? You wrote it in your bullet journal for today. You will get to cross “swimming” off two places in your journal – daily tasks and goals accomplished. Won’t that feel great? And remember your other goal of doing an ocean swim? The one you already signed up and paid for? The one where you could die between the piers if you aren’t prepared. What? You will swim 1,000 yards today instead of 3,200? Ok. But what really is the benefit of swimming only 1,000 yards, especially when you should be rebooking Mark’s flights and finishing the taxes? The anxiety you are feeling right now isn’t actually because you are talking yourself out of swimming, but because you won’t finish the items that seem more pressing. You will feel so much better to get those tasks done. Sorry swim bag, see you tomorrow.
How long did that take? 20 seconds? No, willpower is not on my side. I can’t give myself that much time. That moment between trigger and action, when I think I am exercising some free will, is so short, or so programmed in me, that my will doesn’t have a chance. I have tried for years to use willpower to eat less sugar and exercise more. It’s not working. I need to be more like Elsie. Don’t think.
We recently moved our dog door from one end of our house to another. Elsie doesn’t like the new dog door. Her old door opened when she came close enough for her magnet to activate it. She had to wait a few seconds for the door to lift, but she learned to be patient. The new dog door is more traditional and requires her to push through with her head. She will not do it – unless she is already outside and wants to return to her cozy bed or if I stand outside enticing her with chicken. Then she passes through on pure instinct. It is so frustrating! “Why won’t you go through?” I ask, “what are you thinking!?” I’m being ridiculous. She has no thoughts. Only impulses and habits. When she smells chicken on the other side she pushes right through. Trigger and impulses. I guarantee no rationalizing is going through her pea brain. My plan is to coax her with 50 pieces of chicken a day for the next week until she mindlessly passes through her door.
A few years ago, I read the book “The Power of Habit,” by Charles Duhigg. My Weight Watchers leader heartily recommended it to our meeting. It is obvious to me why – it’s a book about triggers and rewards. In the world of weight loss, triggers and rewards are the whole ballgame. Eating is a habitual action, and most of us have very bad habits. “I’m hungry, how about an apple?” would be ideal. But (more likely), “I’m in the kitchen, how about some cookies?” is more common. Duhigg argues that we need to disrupt that bad pattern and replace it with better connections. I need some healthy, thoughtless dog impulses and habits.
I will give up on willpower for a while. My swim bag placed by the front door will be the trigger that always results in a trip to the pool. What should be the reward that will help me form this unbreakable habit? Candy and cookies would work, but that’s probably not a good idea Getting a good suntan? Post-swim permission to watch YouTube videos? An hour of reading in the middle of the day? I am sure I can come up with something. I am a fan of mindfulness and thoughtful pursuits. It is important for handling challenging lives with children, aging parents, pandemics… But when it comes to getting me to motivate, I think I would be better off taking after my dog.